How to Unhook from Worry and Live by Your Values

I see worry show up in my office every single day. It’s something we all experience, whether it’s about your job/school, your parenting, your health, your relationships, or simply the uncertainty of what’s coming next. For many of the people I work with (and in my own life), worry can feel like a constant background noise in the mind. For some, it takes over completely. If your mind often spins with “what ifs” or you find yourself stuck in cycles of overthinking, you’re not alone. From an ACT perspective, worry isn’t just a nuisance. It’s a pattern. And thankfully, it’s one we can learn to shift.

Why We Worry So Much

Worry is your mind’s way of trying to protect you. It’s attempting to predict or prevent something bad from happening by overthinking every possible scenario. Our brains evolved to do this for survival. But in modern life, where the “threats” are often emotional or uncertain, worry becomes chronic and draining.

Instead of solving problems, worry often:

• Keeps you stuck in your head

• Pulls you away from the present moment

• Leaves you feeling anxious, distracted, and disconnected from the life you want to live

The Problem Isn’t Worry It’s How We Relate to It

In my therapy practice, I don’t focus on trying to eliminate worry for my clients. Instead, we work on changing how they relate to it.

Here’s what often happens when worry takes over:

1. We get caught up in our thoughts.
You might start believing every anxious thought as if it’s true. ACT calls this cognitive fusion.
“I’ll probably mess this up” turns into “I will mess this up.”

2. We try to control or avoid feelings.
Worry becomes a way to avoid uncertainty or discomfort.
Instead of sitting with the fear of failure, we overthink the future in circles.

3. We disconnect from what matters.
The more time we spend in our heads, the less time we spend living fully, connecting with people, or doing the things that align with our values.

How to Break the Cycle

Below are five ACT-informed steps I use with clients (and sometimes myself) to shift your relationship with worry:

1. Notice the Worry Without Judgment
Instead of getting swept away by it, try saying:
“I’m noticing the thought that something bad might happen.”
This small shift creates distance between you and your thoughts.

2. Unhook from Unhelpful Thoughts (Defusion)
When a worry shows up, practice “defusing” from it:

• Say it out loud in a silly voice.

• Repeat it until it loses its grip.

• Imagine the thought floating by like a cloud.

These techniques remind you: Thoughts are just thoughts; they are not facts.

3. Make Space for Discomfort
Rather than avoiding uncomfortable feelings, we gently allow them. Breathe into the tension. Notice where it shows up in your body. Let it be there without needing to fix it.

4. Reconnect with Your Values
Ask yourself: “If worry weren’t in charge, what would I want to move toward?”
Your values like connection, growth, kindness, or creativity become your compass.

5. Take Meaningful Action (Even With Worry Present)
ACT encourages us to take committed action toward what matters, even when discomfort is present. Small, value-driven steps retrain your brain:
You can feel anxious and have that hard conversation. You can be uncertain and still show up fully.

Final Thoughts

Worry is part of being human. But it doesn’t have to run your life. With the right tools and support, you can step back from overthinking, reconnect with what truly matters, and move forward, not because the worry is gone, but because you’ve changed your relationship with it.

As someone who helps people through worry, self-doubt, and anxiety every day, I know how powerful these tools can be. If this resonates with you, therapy can help. You don’t have to navigate it alone, especially if you’re feeling stuck in cycles of worry or overthinking. Together, we can work on shifting your relationship with your mind so you can live with more freedom, clarity, and calm.