Understanding Anxiety: It Doesn’t Have to Control Your Life
Anxiety is a natural part of being human. In today’s busy, often overwhelming world, it can sometimes feel like anxiety is running the show - but it doesn’t have to be that way. As a therapist, I use evidence-based approaches to help people navigate anxiety with greater confidence, compassion, and resilience. Today, I’m writing through the lens of Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT) - a powerful approach developed by Dr. Steven Hayes that focuses on helping you change your relationship with anxiety, so it no longer holds you back.
For me, ACT is more than just a therapeutic approach - it’s a way of living. It’s about learning to meet yourself with compassion, staying grounded in what truly matters to you, and continuing to move forward, even when life feels messy or uncertain. These are practices I turn to in my own life, and I have seen how powerful they can be for anyone, especially those carrying the weight of anxiety or depression. Over time, it’s no longer just about "managing" difficult emotions - it becomes about building a life that feels meaningful, connected, and true to who you are, even when challenges inevitably arise.
Anxiety: A Normal, Human Experience
At its core, anxiety is simply your body’s natural reaction to stress or uncertainty. It’s your brain’s way of preparing you to face challenges - whether it's giving a presentation, having an important conversation, or entering an unfamiliar situation. In small doses, anxiety can actually be helpful: sharpening your focus, alerting you to danger, and motivating action. However, when anxiety becomes overwhelming, constant, or starts interfering with the life you want to live, it can feel unmanageable. A key understanding from ACT is that anxiety isn’t something you need to "get rid of" or "fix." Anxiety is a natural part of being human. But it doesn’t have to control your actions or steal your joy.
How to Start Living With Anxiety (Instead of Being Controlled by It)
1. Make Space for It
Fighting against anxiety often makes it stronger. Instead, try making room for it.
When you notice anxiety arising, pause. Take a deep breath - in through your nose, out through your mouth - and simply allow yourself to acknowledge, "I'm feeling anxious right now." No judgment, no blame - just noticing. This small shift can help recenter you in the moment rather than getting swept away.
2. Don’t Believe Everything You Think
Anxious thoughts can feel very real - but thoughts are not facts. Learning to separate yourself from anxious thinking gives you more freedom to act according to your values, not your fears. A simple way to practice this is to reframe your language: Instead of saying, "I'm so anxious about this presentation," say, "I'm having the thought that I'm anxious about this presentation." This gentle shift reminds you that thoughts come and go - you don’t have to believe everything your mind says.
3. Stay Connected to What Matters Most
Anxiety loves to pull your attention toward worst-case scenarios. When this happens, ground yourself by asking: What matters most to me right now? Your values - whether it’s connection, creativity, growth, or helping others - can act like a compass, guiding your actions even when anxiety is present. Focus on the next small step that brings you closer to what matters, rather than getting caught up in predicting or controlling the future.
4. Practice Self-Compassion
Managing anxiety is hard enough without adding self-criticism. Treat yourself with the same care you would offer a close friend going through a tough time. When anxiety shows up, remind yourself: "It’s okay to feel this way. I’m not alone. I have gotten through hard moments before, and I can do it again." Self-compassion softens the experience of anxiety and builds emotional resilience over time.
Moving Forward: A New Relationship With Anxiety
Anxiety may still visit from time to time - but it doesn’t have to control your life. With the right tools and support, you can learn to live fully, even with anxiety riding alongside you rather than steering the wheel. In my therapy practice, I use evidence-based treatments, including Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT), to help people break free from the grip of anxiety and reconnect with what matters most.
If you’re ready to take the next step, I invite you to reach out for a consultation. You don’t have to navigate anxiety alone - and you don’t have to wait to start building the life you want.